*sigh * well Im finally done with my finals. that's gotta be the biggest weight off my shoulders right now.

you know I'd love to talk to my friends right now but other than the fact that Im almost out of Min till next month that's not happening. at least till this weekend. Well Im back at work almost full time. *shrug* but thats good- it gives me something to do. :)

I guess lately I've been acting like a child... well maybe I was, so for that Im sorry. I guess I always apologize for stupid stuff. but I think I should grow up. *laugh* well for my age I am grown up right? damn.... well no matter what I do I want to feel confident in my descion. I haven't been feeling that lately. God I just cant seem to get my mind focused. its silly really. not matter how small it is.

I think the biggest thing is that I need to learn when Im important and when its ok to push myself aside. well Im gonna work on that- but I think its hard.

well I'll do it, cause Im that determined. :)

For the break im going away, I can't be around right now but I think it will help. who knows maybe make things better. either way its what I need. I know that people say- hell people have said it to ME, that Im so grown up and that I can do anything.

fuck, I should have been an actress with the way I fool people. Let me put it this way. just because Im organized doesnt mean Im prepared, and just cause Im smart doesnt mean Im gonna go far. Honestly people are only worth what they think they are. for me Im happy with what I get becuase I dont expect much. I should set a standard and Ill work on that. But Im when Im happy I just am. I cant explain why but I know when Im not.

sometimes I feel confused, other times I feel empty and I dont always know why. I just remember the last time I wasnt not nessarily that that moment made it that way.

I sound so stupid sometimes. *shakes head* well either way Im gonna work on it so I know I can count on a few people to help me with that.

well once January hits Ill try to keep in contact more so no one feel like Im ignoring them k?

<3

So I know I haven't posted on here for forever but I'm starting to pick up old habits just to fill in the free minuits of my days.

If you've noticed lately all my moods have been dark, depressing, and involving tiredness. I have gotten into the worse string of insominia I've ever experienced. Try like I'm begging my body to go to sleep and it won't. The second I close my eyes and drift into a small sleep I imagine the most horrible grusome details of both real life and fantasy. Death, hatred, moribilty all around. I have been going non stop not only due to classes, work, tutoring, and half another dozen things going on in my life-- but, on top of that I have had about 4 maybe 6hrs tops over the past week. I wake up wishing I was dead or closer to the ideal of enternal numbness to this place.

God, I sound depressed.... *sigh * I think I have to talk to my doctor again, I can't deal with this over emotional crap. Maybe my meds made me antiemotional before but right now that's what I need. I NEED to be able to function on a regualr basis and complete my work. There's no way in HELL I'm giving up my future life and career to some fucking prick of an incident.

You Come to me with Scars on your wrists
You Tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
~~~~
Just Came to say goodbye, didn't want you to see me Cry
Im Fine
~~~~
But I know it's a Lie
~~~
This is the Last Night you'll stand Alone

That is all

- hope this update goes unnoticed.-

omg- my head hurts soooooooooo much

but it was REALLY worth it :)

went for a fling to NEW HAMPSHIRE

silverrose90

god i LOVE new years!!!!!! ^_^

btw- do i have to give up both of them????

edit:: i wanted to apologize to xsectumsemprax for not calling her. i had every intention of going to 
that party but ..boy... and party.. and grinding... andandand..... -_-' im sorry *hugs* but i WILL call you 
tomorrow :)

okokok sooooooo

anyone who's been talking to me lately knows that I've been having some problems and stuff... BUT

I gots a date on Thurs night!! ^_^

sooo He (amanda knows who ~_- ) Has kendo classes near Boston harbor till 10 or so and I'm going to meet him there when he gets out- I wanted to know if anyone can think of a good place to go for dinner???? I usually never go around boston harbor so Im completely stumped o.0 anyways- Im also going to need some consulting on clothes, hair, makeup, etc. and on some first date kind of tips.

OMG im excited!! ^_^

give me a call guys ok? *bounces away to do something*

Im soooo ABSOLUTELY impatient right now!!!

*******************************************************edit************************************************************

Tomorrow night- BIG DATE---- still have nooooo idea

a.) where to go for dinner

b.) what to wear for dinner

c.) what to do after dinner ;)

the thing i DO know is that Im wearing my hair down with my little "flip" bangs and these kick ass boots I got last week. other than that Im so stumped.

*sigh * I really need some input here guys- how about if I should wear skirt or pants- sexy underclothes or regular???

please give me feedback later today- alright Im off to study for my final tonight

<3 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
alright so now that everyone is all caught up :D

soooo- I have work in like 3 hrs till 9 and then im going into boston- in the snow -_-;
to meet Him (you guys should know ) and we're going to dinner- still dont know where though but im definetly going to wear my hair down and pants because of the snow with i think my super cute snow boots- cause im not falling on my ass on the ice with heels... and i think im going with my saphire blue blouse idk - im still working out details.

wish my luck ^_^

<3